How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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