if you like me you must not know who I am
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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