think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
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