It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think your dad took our porno
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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