she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
This is not my ceiling
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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