he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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