just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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