I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize