your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
