oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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