If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
