Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
