Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
