Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
