it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
