My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
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She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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