sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
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Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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