just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize