also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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