I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
