And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
