Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
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he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
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Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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