she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
