Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
