home. puking in laundry basket.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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