so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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