So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
