Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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