No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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