im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i think my cat just said my name.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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