I need help removing her.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
