1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
