Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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