I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
