The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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