Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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