I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
