watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
