well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I deserve this hangover.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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