she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
