come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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