Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
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So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
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Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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