So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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