So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
