Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
