I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize