we're chasing vodka with high fives
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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