I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
