I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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