Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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