I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
