I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
