My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
