Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
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His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
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You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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