it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
