I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
