I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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