Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
