I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she woke up with a sticky ear
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
