The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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