it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
