I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Randomize
