So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
