Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
