so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
