Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
