So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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