Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
