I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
