there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
