I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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