I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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