I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize