I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
