Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
