I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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